You,

I never told you this, but I used to love you.

This isn't a "why didn't you love me back" letter. I never asked you to; I couldn't control how I felt, and you couldn't control how you didn't feel.

I just want you to know that someone loved you, and you didn't even know it.

The things you feel set you so far apart from others were the things I loved the most about you, the things that made me smile, the things I told anyone who'd listen with admiration. We never did anything overly exciting, but I loved the simplicity of our time together. You kept things interesting, and that was enough.

Don't dwell on who I may be, who you may be, and what might have been missed. What's meant to be is meant to be. 

Just know on the nights when you feel ostracized, know on the nights when you feel lonely and single, know on the nights when you're filled with self doubt... there was someone who thought you were nothing short of amazing.

And I probably am not, was not, and will never be, the only one.

Sincerely,

Somebody :)

Jack

I missed you more then I realized. Missed just hanging out and the feeling i get just being near you. I wish your school was up here with mine. Damn you for picking a job that would take you somewhere else right away. This time next year I probably wont get to see you because of that as well because even though I can go back to Colorado the chances of you being able to are slim. I am glad I got to see you, even if it was only for a few hours. I don't want to never see you again. You better find a way to see me again. I miss just spending time like that with you, the way you always seem to get me.

Never mind it was hard enough coming to terms with the Alex thing and now you had to remind me of things I knew but never realized, it only complecates my inside world, and I want to tell everyone everything but no one would understand 98% of it.

What I want is impossible.

renaissance2010
Turning to photography as a creative outlet during a valiant fight with breast cancer at age 34, renaissance10 survived and set up a photo contest to help raise funds for the Lavender Trust, a nonprofit that provides information and support to younger women with breast cancer. In the first two years, the competition brought in over £65,000 (that's $107,260.73 U.S.!), with entries from 130 countries last year. Renaissance10 recently joined LiveJournal to meet other passionate photographers and find supportive friends.

curiouscupcakes
Holy buttercream frosting! If you have a sweet tooth for sugary goodness or a wandering eye for whimsical confection, this is pure ecstasy iced in deliciousness. Hailing the beloved cupcake as the artisinal canvas of choice, you'll enjoy recipes, photos, and bountiful tips to bake up a batch, whether your taste leans toward French classics or funky and flavorful.

mission101
With New Years in the offing, it's an ideal time to reflect on past accomplishments, make peace with disappointments, and refocus the lens on future goals. This community welcomes you to create a bucket list of 101 things you plan to accomplish in the next 1,001 days. Offering support, guidance, and inspiration, this is a great way to jumpstart those pesky resolutions.

Dear L & F,

Love the new shower head! It makes washing your son's sperm out of me so much easier.

~Vronwe

Dear M..

2morrow I will see you again... It's been 6 weeks since our last encounter... And almost 7 months since our.. Uhm.. You know..

I know you hate being alone.. And try to hook up with every nice girl you think will be relationship worthy..
And then there's me.. Yeah I know I have a kid, unfortunally a husband... A house.. A car... And I also know you want that.. The whole picture perfect... And I know, I want that.. In the way you can describe a picture perfect.. With you!!! You never leave my mind... You're always in my dreams... I hate doing that to you.. Because of the whole marriage thing I got on here...
I wish I've met you like 4 years.. But then you weren't ready.. You're age plays a big part in it...

It's so hard to be with one when you're heart belongs to someone else... You know it and I know it...

I really really hope we can figure this out... In a good way... I hope I get a chance to talk to you in private tomorrow.. To let you see how I feel... How my heart is with you...

And I don't want to wait!!!!!
I want you right now!!!

Damn why is love so confusing????? And why is there always the moneypart in it??? Why is it so hard????

Yes.. Money doesn't make you happy.. But right now it would make this choice so much easier!!!!

If so, I would pick you up right now!!!! Mmmm that sounds nice... To pick you up and take you to our house... *sigh*

I know I would never sent you this letter.... Never say I love you.. Never do anything... Because I would break a lot of hearts... To tear up that picture perfect my whole family seems to have about me...

But deep down inside.. I hope that MY picture perfect will become... That all this money shit will desolve... That you will be mine... Someday... My heart will be one...

x C

Dear H,

As much as I'd hate to admit it, I like you. After getting to know you better lately, I think you're an alright guy. Even if I do have some glaring problems with you as a person, I don't consider them enough of an issue to dislike you for it.

However, do not think that just because we're housemates and friends, means you can have a say in what I should or should not do in my life. Especially when your reasoning pretty much stands as "this pays more".

You have NO idea how long it took me to get to this point where I know what to do in my life. Longer than most, it seems. Everyone else around me seems either happy with their station in life, or are working on getting there via study or work experience or some other arrangement.

When I made the decision, I was neither happy with my life nor was I working up to something better. I am now at a stage where I have pretty much the basic framework sorted out and I'll be damned if I'm changing it anytime soon.

Part of me does suspect you were making a suggestion in your own retarded way and don't get me wrong, I'll accept suggestions quite readily. But frankly, you came off as too much of a know-it-all prat that it didn't sound like a mere suggestion, but rather "what should be done, because I say so".

Nevertheless, I'm doing film-making because I want to. Not because it pays well, not because it's easier, not because I'm any bloody good at it (though admittedly, I was working on an interview with a friend today and I thought how it turned out was awesome, albeit for a first attempt at something that was meant to look semi-professional). If I wanted a larger paycheck, I'd look into some mind-numbing shit-shingle of a job where I'd probably be just as unhappy as I am now. I'll leave that for you to do, considering despite the fact you constantly bitch and complain about how hard you have it, it doesn't look like you're making much of an attempt to find something better.

E,

So, I finally got the nerve to friend you on Facebook. Aaand judging by your pictures, you're a d-bag. Awesome. One saving factor is I don't like you as much as I do S. Which is lame in itself, because I haven't seen him in forever.

I'm not sure what's more depressing, that I still reeeally like S, or my taste in guys. I just don't know what to do about you. I want your attention, but at the same time I don't. I'll try and give you time, you might be a really great person, but I don't know if I want to put my heart on the line again.

C

dear self:
( cut for angst that no one wants to hear about )

i could post these but everybody else would know who they are... and it would only get back to them


Eros, god of love
with your lily-white wings
soft like fire
and your smile to turn heads
you have my heart
in your hands
like you hold so many others
so many you could hurt
could kill
but you are so wise
as to not get involved


Anteros, with the light in your eyes
always in the shadow of your bother's wings
you are better armed to break hearts
with just a flutter of butterfly wings
suddenly we are aware of
just how much we cannot have you.

Dear Grandma,

I understand that you are trying to be fair by playing the neutral person in all your grand children's lives. You never pick sides between us, and as such stand up for all and none of us at the same time. To the other ten grandchildren this is probably a blessing, and they are glad that you don't play favorites - to me it just isn't fair.

The other grandchildren have parents who will run to their defense if they need it. I don't have that. My parents died thirteen years ago, and your the only authority figure in my life. You are the one who is supposed to stand up for me. You're the one that is supposed to protect me. And of all the years I've lived here, not once have you ever done that. You remained set in your "fair" ways, and as such made life miserable and nearly unbearable for me.

The fact that you let your grandson continually harass me and break the stuff in my room, while brushing it off as a "joke" or a situation that is "between the two of us" is slowly killing me inside. I have no self confidence when it comes to dealing with anyone in the family. I feel as thought everyone things I'm worthless - and three of you have told me as much. The things yours grandson says about me, about my boyfriend - are just unacceptable. It hurts to be told daily that I'm a worthless cunt, and that my boyfriend is a piece of shit. Yet, no one cares. No one does a damned thing.

I tried to reach out to you. I tried to explain the psychological effects this is having on me, and you brushed me off with a "you know you aren't worthless." If I'm not worthless why do you ignore my pleas for help? What is it about me that makes you not run to my side. What about this makes you think that you can do this, then expect me to want to help you? I'm tired of bring Drunk Nancy to the hospital. I'm tired of getting angry phone calls from Psycho Tommy. I'm tired of having panic attacks at night because I'm afraid what George could have done/is going to do to me. I cry at night, and I've contemplated killing myself more than once.

But not once has anyone ever tried to reach out to me. The only thing I get it people trying to criticize the one thing that means something to me. If you hate me - then hate away, but leave me in peace. If you don't need me, I can live with out you. But stop with the facade, stop with the games. If no one is going to care - then don't. But let me go.

Sincerely,
The Orphan.

Dear Josh,

I don't wanna turn you into my new Mahmoud- that person I hardly know and whom I obsess about, that beautiful stranger whose greatness first intimidates me, then inspires me, then fills me with paralyzing shame.
She said, "sometimes it's invigorating to wrap someone up in a cloak of perfection and just love everything about them."

I'm in love with you. And as long as it's unshared, I guess I have the freedom to call my persistent, one-sided crush love. But why do I nourish it, stay faithful to it, and let it stop me from pursuing other, "real" relationships?
I'm in love with you. And it kills me that you're in the world and I'm not part of your world. It kills to know you're out there, and that all I can do is watch your life play out in pictures from afar.

And I'm sorry that my head was always so full of your nationality, that I let where you're from build a wall around you.

Dear boy who works at the cybercafe,

I thought I've already forgot your face. I WANT TO FORGET YOUR FACE, your traits, your voice and how you stare something or someone so shyly as the way you are... But guess what? I know it might sound stupid to you; I watched a movie of romance comedy tonight, and damn; one of the main actors almost has the same appearance like yours. His face, his hair, his lips, his accents, his eyebrows and the way he stared to the actress who took the role as his girlfriend...

Shit. My heart almost broken watching it, since you just dumped me on last Tuesday. I just begin to already forget everything 'bout you, but to my disbelief I was enjoying the movie instead, which makes me... miss you again.

...and the most childish side of me wished that I wanted to be the girl like in that movie.

The most ravishing customer you ever seen (I bet),
Nina

Dear Memaw,

I'm sorry I didn't come to the nursing home and visit you on Christmas. I wanted to so badly, I felt selfish, because nobody should spend Christmas without ones that love them. But last time we went it killed me that you didn't remember who I was and when I cried Mom yelled at me and told me I couldn't cry in front of you because it would make you upset and we would have to leave. I knew if you didn't remember on Christmas I wouldn't have been able to keep myself from crying, especially on that day. I was already upset all day because since you were moved to the nursing home this Christmas was different than any my entire life, since the time I was 3 we have been going to your house to spend with the family for lunch, this was the first Christmas in 18 yeas we haven't done that. I can't deal with changes like that, because the reason it changed breaks my heart. So please know it wasn't that I didn't want to see you, but I couldnt muster the emotional strength to do it. I do love you, whether you remember me or not.

Your forgotten granddaughter


Dear Mom,
I didn't go see Grandma because I didn't want to upset her like all the other times I've gone and cried. It wasn't as selfish as you think, yes I wanted her to have a good Christmas, yes I thought it might be nice for her to see me. But I thought about what would happen when I cried, because I would have on that day no matter whether or not she remembered me or not. And I didn't want to upset her like last time, I hate when she gets angry because there is a "stranger" in her room crying, and then the nurses have to come in to get her under control. I just wanted her to be calm and happy on Christmas, I wasn't worried about me I was worried about her, that isn't selfish. I could have cared less whether I cried or not, because I still did at home, I just didn't want to upset her again. I need you to understand please because you ruined my Christmas by reminding me all day how selfish I was.

Your depressed daughter

Dear J,

Thank you for convincing me that you can't live without me. It means more to me than I can put into words.

All the love in the world, plus some from Pluto and Saturn,

S.

J,
Why did you 'poke' me on Facebook? We haven't seen each other since August, and the last time we talked was in June, when we both told each other to fuck off, and I told you to 'stay the fuck out of my life'. I haven't wanted anything to do with you since then, even though you were pretty much my closest friend and one of very few people I managed to trust before you went and fucked that all up so completely. I know A told me you've been going through a rough patch lately. I have been going through hell lately too and I don't know if I can take on reconnecting with you too, even though I really miss you. At least it was your initiative, not mine - I poked you back out of curiousity, out of I don't know what, out of missing a friend who I haven't properly talked to in a year. The ball's in your court now. 
Please, please, don't let this be some sort of joke. Don't use this as an excuse to fuck me around again. I won't put up with it, and I won't cope with it.
No love, me.


Dearest H
I have written so many unsent letters to you and rehearsed this so many times in my head that I can't believe I'm going to be telling you for real on Thursday 31 December 2009.
'I can't conceal what I feel, what I know is real
No mistaking the faking, I care
With a prayer in the air I will leave it there
On a note full of hope not despair'
Please, please don't hate me. Please let me still be your friend, even if you don't feel the same way. Please don't let this fuck up everything like it did with J. Totally different situation but I'm still dead scared that it could end that badly, even though I know you're much too sweet a person to say anything like that. Still...I am more scared than you could ever know. Maybe you will know. Maybe I will tell you. I don't know.
Love, me.

Dear S.-

  I think you will forever be a charming bastard. No matter the warmth or seeming care, you're cold. I don't know why I ever bothered wishing you a Merry Christmas. Boredom is dangerous, I suppose.

Most happily-
Your Ex

Dear First Kiss-

I found you on Facebook, I think. I want to friend you, but I'm hesitant and shy. Do you even remember me? Who are you now?

Blast from the past

Dear Dad (and members of Dad's family),

Before the divorce, you were in my life, treating me like the princess I was to you. Every Christmas, you'd smile and laugh when I'd open a present and squeal when it was from you. Those were the best times of my life.

HOWEVER...

After the divorce, it all stopped. COMPLETELY. I was 14 when you and Mom divorced. You couldn't even send a fucking card? Or even a phone call? You KNEW where we lived and you still didn't do anything. Why? What had I done wrong?

The last time I saw you was when I was 16. There wasn't a "Hey, how have you been?" or even an "I love you." There was a stare. Like I wasn't even wanted anymore. Like YOU didn't want me anymore. Do you know what that did to me? It broke my heart and I swore to Mom the next time I'd see you was when you were dead... and I wished it would happen soon.

Eleven Christmases later, and STILL nothing. Not even a card or a phone call. I may have Mom's family (which is freaking HUGE) behind me and my boyfriend (who is black, by the way, and treats me a HELL of a lot better than you), but still... I needed YOU. YOU, my DAD.

I'm tired of hiding how depressed I am this time of year and crying when I'm alone and acting it's all okay in front of my family and my boyfriend. It's not right. And it's definitely NOT okay. If my grandmother had been alive, she'd have told you to give a damn. But she isn't.

So, for once in your selfish life, give a damn about the daughter who wants to know why you don't call or say you love her.

~Your daughter (and niece)~